


Dear Lavender

by osyris



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Despair Era (Dangan Ronpa), F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, The reader's ultimate talent is unknown, Togami Byakuya is Bad at Feelings, Togami Byakuya-Centric, i am in love with him i think, no spoilers for THH, srry xoxo, this mAN - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29598906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osyris/pseuds/osyris
Summary: Hanahaki Disease!Byakuya .....??? Wayooo
Relationships: Togami Byakuya/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Dear Lavender

**Author's Note:**

> CW: Blood , Mild description of panic attack  
> Pronouns for reader used: She/Her  
>  ((I can change it to they/them if requested this is just kinda a self insert teehee))  
> Terms:  
> Y/N- Your name  
> Y/NN- Your nickname

The ceiling blankly reflected in her paled eyes, the steel plated windows emanating pure despair louder than she could combat. How long had she been trapped at Hope's Peak now? How many murders or executions have happened??.... Why was she even here?! She wasn't even able to remember her ultimate talent, if she even had one. It all bore a heavy weight on her mind, seeping sickness down to her very core. She blinked, then blinked again, and kept blinking until she wasn't aware of it anymore. She had to get out of here. She could not bear her room. 

Slinking to the door, she caught her reflection from the rusted steel plates. She looked miserable. She quickly splashed her face with the water she had saved in a cup-- it was 1am by this point, the water was shut until morning. She winced at the impact of cool droplets on her face and running along her arms to drip off of her elbow. She had to get out of here.

She did not even bother to slide shoes on, or straighten her pajamas. She just walked aimlessly around the first floor, away from the dormitories. The only room she could think of, that she might find a mental escape, was the library. Maybe she could read until she slumped unconscious... just anything but dealing with this. Hot tears began to drip steadily down her face, her breathing becoming more desperate by the moment. She tapped her fingers on her thigh to bring herself back to reality, even slightly.

She swiftly threw the door open with more force than intended. Her outstretched hand trembled as she stood, her sickly skin complimenting her dark circles in harmonious desperation. The loud noise startled the current inhabitant of the room, who was equally surprised by what he saw upon glancing up.

She instantly recognized him. She suddenly felt every inch of her body screaming at her to run away. She couldn't bear to be in his presence -- infact -- she couldn't think of someone more cold and hurtful than Byakuya. He was sitting, slumped against the back of a bookshelf, resting his arm on a stack of textbooks. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again and looked down; brows furrowed in thought. He looked back up and made eye contact.

She diverted her gaze, slowly returning the door to how it was before, beginning to step away. She just hoped he wouldn't try and question her about it tomorrow at breakfast, if he even bothered to show up.

"Y/N." He began, pushing himself up. 

She froze, the door still opened by a few inches. She slowly opened it again. She was met with a pair of icy, paled eyes. He's never looked like this... although he was clearly affected by something, eyes were unreadable.

She offers a small smile, shifting her eyes to the floor, and patting her face with her pyjamas-- dampening her sleeves.

His breath through his nose carried a small whistle to it. She looked back to his face, wincing at the sight. There was a small trail of blood, clearly smeared, stained by his mouth. 

She bowed her head towards him, beginning to mutter apologies for disturbing his peace. He cut her off.

"Please, spare me. I don't want to hear it." He had a slight strain to his voice.

"Ah, sorry.. I don't mean to bother you, I should get goi-" He cut her off by gently grabbing her sleeve. She felt her eyes widen, suddenly fearful for the cruelty he was about to spew.

"Calm down, okay? Deep breaths." He slightly tugged on her sleeve, leading her to the area he had just been seated at. She followed silently.

He had sat back down, his legs tucked into his chest. He tilted his head to the spot next to him. 

"You can lay down, or sit. Whatever helps." 

She nodded and quietly look a seat next to him, staring at her fingers. They sat in silence as he continued to read, seemingly unaffected by her presence. 

"How come you're bleeding?" She mumbled. He didn't answer for a few seconds, almost seemingly pretending he didn't hear her. He felt his face grow slightly red.

"You don't have to tell me," she assured, placing her hand lightly on his shoulder. He flinched slightly at the touch, shifting his gaze to her. "But, uhm.. it would be ok if you did want to talk, too."

"I'm fine," He stated sharply, his brows furrowed. "Thanks." He returned to his book.

"Uhm, alright... you just don't gotta pretend to be, ok?" She removed her hand off of his shoulder, slumping back to the shelf. He didn't respond. She fluttered her eyes closed, her mind still restlessly shouting at her.

Then, she heard it. At first, it was just a sharp intake of breath, almost gasping for air. She slowly opened her eyes, to see him staring at his book, tears pouring down his face. His glasses were fogging up and a small trail of blood began to reappear by his mouth.

She froze, she had no idea what to do. How to comfort him. How to suddenly fix this situation she was now sure she had caused. He seemingly didn't want to talk, but maybe he just didn't really know how to. She took the book from his hands and set it face-down, sure to keep the page he was on, and held out her hand. He took it, reluctantly, but he still didn't refuse. That was a great step.

She whispered, "I want you to squeeze my hand until you don't feel like this anymore, okay?" She felt his grip tighten as he clutched onto her hand, gently putting pressure around her palm. She interlaced their fingers, so he could grip better.

"As hard as you need, ok?" 

His grip was unchanging. She stroked the back of his palm with her thumb, and whispered,"it's going to be alright."

His grip faltered. His eyes met hers, tears streaming out so heavily. It was the result of bottling emotions for God knows how long. He tugged on her hand, pulling her body over his. She got the signal. She straddled his legs and pulled him into a hug, holding on tightly. She felt her own worries begin to melt as he placed her head in the crook of his neck. It seemed to be a perfect fit. She began running her hands up and down his back comfortingly. He held on tightly, his hands heavy as they rest along the small of her back. She moved a hand from his back and began to massage his head, playing with his hair. She seemingly already knew the exact place to scratch, like it was muscle memory. She felt his grip tighten, like he was afraid to let go. He ghosted his fingers along her back in a way that made her shudder. She felt so safe, she had been craving this touch for so long. It felt like, it might be alright. 

"Y/N." He began, his voice trembling.

You made a noise of curiosity, letting him continue.

"When our memories were stolen. And we lost everything..."

She hummed in agreement.

"I never forgot." His words lingered thickly, as his hands held tighter. He continued, "I never forgot about everyone. I remembered how we all agreed to be here... I, uhm... sorry..." He broke off for a second. "I should probably apologize... Sorry I've been so cruel. It's just, so hard, seeing people once be so close and then turn to hate and kill each-other. As soon as I realized that this is what it'd be like, I just... shut down." 

She pulled her head out of his neck, looking him in the face. She kept playing with his hair, and used her other hand to cup his face, wiping his tears away. He nudged his face into her hand, shifting his eyes to the floor.

"I never forgot that I am in love with you." He whispered. She sucked in her breath, and held it. It never seemed to let go. A thick tension bubbled within her heart.

"And you have to live each day, knowing I can't remember, like it never happened...." 

She whispered back. He nodded silently.

"Were we.. together?" She continued

He nodded again, and ran his fingers over the diamond studs in her ears. "I gifted these to you a year ago now, I think...." He lifted her hand from his face, stroking her fingers gently with his thumb. He pointed out a scar on her wrist. "And this was from when I tried to make us dinner, but I accidentally touched the pan to your wrist. You persisted that it was okay, but I felt so horrible. And this..." He untucked a necklace from beneath his high buttoned shirt, which was a vintage-looking perfume bottle necklace in the shape of a heart, "... is what you gave to me so that I would always have you with me, even when we were busy with life, as we always were." He opened the bottle slightly, and it cut deeply a piece of herself she knew she could never even remember. A tone of regret seeped into his voice.

"Maybe it would've been better if I never said anything at all." He sighed, tucking a stray hair back behind her ear. "Because I can't go back. And we can't go back."

She pressed her finger to his lips. "When you spilled coffee on my hand. You had said,'Sorry (Y/NN).' I convinced myself I was just hearing things, but somehow I knew it was so much more than that. My heart started pounding, even harder than it has in the face of despair, and I've just felt so lonely since." He cupped her face lightly, moving his lips away from her fingers before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. She moved her forehead, so that they were touching. 

"You, uhm, shouldn't be doing things like this." He smiled weakly. His tears still fell silently as he struggled to maintain a steady voice. "If you can't be in love with me, you shouldn't make it harder to move on. But then again, it's so like you to be there no matter what, I don't really think I ever can. Not when I have to see you every day, doing your best. It makes me so prideful, knowing that once belonged to me." He chuckled weakly.

"Byakuya?" 

He flickered his eyes up. His face was swollen and bloodied and pale as ever. He looked so much more human than any other time she had ever seen him-- or that she could remember. Blood steadily dripped down his mouth.

"Show me your mouth."

His eyes grew weary, but he reluctantly opened his bottom jaw. There were no cuts, no wounds.

"Where is the blood coming from?"

He gave a weak smile, and coughed. He clenched his hand, and then suddenly opened it. A singular, lilac flower. 

You looked back up. You could see it clearly now, the glaze over his eyes was complete and utter despair.

Suddenly, everything made sense. Why he acted so harshly. Why he danced with death and accusation. Why he rarely showed up to group meetings. Why he acted like he never cared, like he just wanted to win. What winning really was to him.

"How long has this been happening..?" She whispered breathlessly.

His eyes fluttered shut. "Since you forgot who I was." 

A guilt weighed down deeply within her chest. She tugged on his arm, hoisting him up.

"C'mon... lets go to bed, okay? It'll be better in the morning." He silently followed. She stepped over the book he had been reading, now noticing the contents were of botany. She dragged him all the way until they reached her room. He stood like a doll. She pulled him over to the end of her bed, quietly unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off of his shoulder. He remained silent. She slipped on a huge t-shirt which draped down to a bit above his knees.

"You can wear my shorts if you'd like." He nodded quietly, accepting she fabric and changing quickly into it. She braided his bangs back into a small, poofy ponytail. 

He was crying again, silently. She brought him the cup of water from her bathroom and made sure he drank, to prevent him from drying out too much. She tilted his head to help him drink. Things fell into another as they tangled themselves, nestling into the warmth.


End file.
